chasing tumbleweeds

so tour happened and was amazing. then there was a play. then there was decompression from both of these things. and some illness. but, I am writing finally after performing so much, and doing others' work (and some of my own)... I've been cleaning a lot and working on more physical creativity.

BUT. everything is coming together into something that I think I know what it is, but it still is revealing itself to me. I feel that my work is modular, in the sense that the pieces are stand-alone, but can be configured to be more thematic and a part of something larger. I'm developing the something larger. it feels amazing.

to prepare, I'm lining up smaller performances to test things out. eventually, I'll piece them together. sometime in the summer. I'm going on tour, methinks, with mainly my own work.

but, more immediately, I have a performance lined up for January 11th, which I will divulge more about very soon!

Los Tenedores

it's trite, but I am experiencing a writing dilemma. surprising to many that are close to me, I am a creature of habit. I make up rules for the most inane things and stick with them... unless I change my mind for a specific reason. I think how this neurosis manifests itself in my writing is through my decisions regarding capitalization. for blogging or personal emails with people I know, I tend to not capitalize the beginning of my sentences. proper nouns and "I" do get the big letter, unless for some reason the name is stylized to be lower case (for instance, frē.)... actually, to be completely nitpicky, these are the rules I have for typing. for handwriting, it really depends on what I feel like looking at while I'm in the act. yes, I think about it pretty much every time I write. not a whole thought, it's just a part of the process.

there is a point.

lately, I've been writing a lot of emails to people I do not know, and I generally follow standard written English rules in those, minus some of the most overt formalities. I capitalize where I should, complete my thoughts as sentences, etc. as I've been doing this, I've wondering if I might switch to doing it all the time, except maybe in poems. the lack of big letters is an extension of my identification as a poet, I think... and I think in those terms a lot, even in my daily bits of typed communication.

I'll try not to over-analyze such things, and obviously I haven't made a switch yet. I guess it could be a situational decision. sooo... moving right along...



I've been gone for a bit, lost in the adult world of instructing little humans. I have since written a play, and had a music benefit show for a New Orleans reconstruction trip... I leave Saturday morning! I'll be missing most, if not all, of Artscape; I'm rather grouchy about this as I really had hoped to see all of my friends' installations, and I had so many opportunities to perform that I simply could not take.

no fear, I'm touring dear!

Perform some, tour some, foursome! Los Tenedores are troubadours of the modern age, present to commit individual and collaborative acts of passion. A pronged quartet, these escape-from-Baltimore artists alternate reality by being fully participatory... through divergent paths they seek truth, joy and reflection with each other, and you! All this born from the urgent nature of life and art -- language, performance and social. A conscious action decision, they create an abstractly tangible experience, designed to bring water forth from stone, transform overgrown souls into manicured infants, break down misery into revelry, and turn aurora borealis into crystal heaven; anything can happen and the senses are hyper-real. Through divergent paths, Theresa Columbus, Andy Herschberger, Freda Mohr and Elisa Urtiaga converge to comprise Los Tenedores. Los agarradores, Los Tenedores, agarran de la presente. The graspers, The Forks (The Possessors), take hold of (grasp) the present. "It was a passionate moment we were groping for..."

venues and other details are still being arranged, but it's looking awesome. this is our itinerary:

Friday, August 22 - Baltimore
Saturday, August 23 - NY
Sunday, August 24 - Providence
Monday, August 25 - Boston
Tuesday, August 26 - NY
Wednesday, August 27 - Baltimore? (we're focusing on getting a send-off, but it would be so nice to have B'more bookends, no?)

then, we do Philly Fringe, Saturday and Sunday, September 6 & 7 (booked! A Space, and The Walking Fish Theatre, respectively)

there will be more to this schedule that isn't particular to the tour... I will have so much performance come fall... and more plans in the works.

if you glance to the right, there is a link to the sparse for now blog for Los Tenedores. I'll keep it safe there.

play on words poem

the best way I can describe what I've written over the past several days is a play, on words - uh, poem. or a poem that is a play that experiments with language. maybe a poetry musical/opera? who knows. it's fucking weird. good thing there are weirdos here in B'more that are into it, because I already know it's not for everyone.

probably coming from my love of repetitive sounds, steady rhythm, and tribal sensibilities, this play is designed to emulate that feeling you get when you over-think something and it's not about the thoughts anymore, it's about the feeling you get when the thoughts just become noise in your brain... a subconscious thing, really. haha. I'm brainwashing you. that sort of thing. don't worry, I'm only up to no good.

so yeah. I guess I really did want to write a play.

also, I went to another lovely jazz brunch at 2640, and put some of my other schemes into motion. namely, of the music making sort.

does anyone else have the spring/summer bug? I get up early all the time, and even though I'm wide awake right now, I really don't feel like going to work. I just want to go outside and relax with my new lappy and type weird shit. oh well. kid songs aren't all that horrible, either.

I'm not in hiding

I'm barely home! if you know me, you might've seen me, or not. mainly my preschool students have been seeing me. I didn't get around to posting that I was going to be in a play (that already happened, it was an absolute thrill).

I am going to be reprising my role in Hopeful Softness, one of the plays that I was just in. it's a short experimental piece written by Theresa Columbus. oh how I love her, that wacky goddess. hopefully I will still make it to Playa del Fuego, but I'm willing to miss it in order to perform this awesomeness at the Creative Alliance, no less! what a great space. I've only had the pleasure to be on that stage once before, on the first of this year, and I am determined to be on it as much as I can.

I will update very soon about that, giving particulars and what not.

other exciting news is that I am forming an experiment of a band, under the name Which In? I already have a gig for it, even though I don't even have a full band together yet. yep. that's how I roll. wanna see me wing the music thing? (you might've seen me do impromptu performances, or caught the Pope Dragons, now defunct, I believe, at 2640 eons ago...) don't really, but could be persuaded with actual good music?

then come to the Whole on June 6th, at 8pm, for a music show to benefit a volunteer reconstruction expedition to New Orleans, featuring the Good Guise, Mr. Moccasin, the Bow-Legged Gorilla, and Which In? $10, gas is expensive, yo.

things I'm also working on:

- some letters for the Wormwood folks. (check out the sidebar for the link) I'm pissed off about a few things, and want to write about it.

- a play. secret aspiration is to have Theresa be in it.

- a poet cover show... area poets covering each other's work.

- face painting... huh? yeah!

- other super secret things.

also, in case I don't update in time... Smartish Pace is having their issue release party here at the Whole on May 31st.

I am so excited! about everything!

so yeah, not hiding, just supercrazyhappybusy.

April performances

tomorrow! the Baltimore Ethical Society, here's the "official" info that went out in emails -

First Saturday Coffeehouse Night

Date: April 5th TIme: 7pm

At the Baltimore Ethical Society 306 W. Franklin St.

Featuring Two great poets: Freda Mohr and Suzy.

Also Art by Matt Muirhead.

Matt Muirhead, emigrated from England to the United States with his family in 1983. Matt started painting in 1993. He has exhibited work in; Manchester, Tokyo, Chicago, New York, San Francisco, and now Baltimore. His latest series, titled "Symmetry" began 3 years ago as an experiment using watercolor paper. It has since evolved.

Freda has been running amok in B'more for a while now, and likes to leave her mark; her latest stain, "Dali's Ex-Llama Wife," is available for exchange now.

Suzy is a member of the Red Emma's Collective and Zelda's Inferno Poetry collective.

She is a social worker,a poet, and a vegan.




and then on April 19, in the Edgar Allen Poe room on the second floor of the Central Branch of the Enoch Pratt Free Library (whew! mouthful, that.), from 12:15 - 1:15pm there will be a presentation about poetry/spoken word venues in B'more. I'll be representing the Whole Gallery.

corrections for "dali's ex-llama wife"

okay. so I'm glad that I put out a zine, and I have been giving it away mostly. what I don't like is that there are a bunch of discrepancies and errors. the most glaring ones:

spell bound - previous version; I like the one in the zine better.

bend to my breeze - the lines on the bottom of the first two pages of this poem were cut off, and I've changed the line "as I beamed at you" to "as I blew through you" since making the zine.

freedom isn't free - this one isn't on here. the bottom was cut off on the first page of this poem for most of the copies. the last two lines are "how does the "enemy" have the same guns/ as our daughters and sons?"

moebius, cast, expanded - misplaced "sometimes I can't decide if humanity should be saved" in the zine. the online version is how it's meant to be.

it's possible that I will do a second edition with corrections. right now, however I am working on some other things. more about them later.

moebius notes

so I gave an impromptu reading last night at 2640's Mini Zine Fest Oh Eight, and I think that it went rather well, considering a few things that I guess I wouldn't have figured out without giving said reading.

first of all, I should not do my showier pieces when I am not possessed by them. the last time I performed, I was my writing, and I do believe it showed. I have pieces that need a lot of passion in their presentation, and to do anything less, I'm finding, really detracts from them. I don't feel that it's because the words aren't good enough on their own, more because they need to be expressed in a fashion that the audience will pay attention to them enthusiastically enough to understand what I am trying to express.

"moebius, cast, expanded" is admittedly one of my favorite pieces right now, so it's not ludicrous that I immediately decided to do that one when asked to read. however, this is not a piece to be read; it's one that needs to be presented. I did alright, but I just feel like it was butchered when calling to mind the rapturous sermon I made of it at Sensarium. I have done this poem a bit since I've finalized it, and I think it's time to put it away for awhile. also, I need to remember that I have plenty of other writing that is more suitable for readings, or new situations. trying to do a piece that requires a lot of focus and energy when I am not sure about the audience has led to a feeling of slight disappointment, because I know how much more effective it would be in a different situation.

something that had worked for me during Sensarium was having a short opening piece. I said hello to get used to the mic, and did a relatively easy, sensual poem to warm up to the energy level needed for "moebius..." what was pretty cool that night is that I knew I was going to nail it, I was totally absorbed by it.

so what do I do when I'm not? this is not the only work that I have where I need that dedication to pull off what I know I can accomplish performance-wise, and I know that not every gig will be one where I will have that. not that I'm not into those events, it's more that the vibe is different. I have a habit of reading memorized pieces when I'm not sure of myself, so that I have a prop. I trip up because I waffle between recitation and reading, and then I don't look up because there is a part of me that is scared to see how the audience is doing. it's so different when I just go from memory and feed off of what I see on others' faces.

I've decided to try selecting pieces that don't call for that level of showiness. I have some that actually fare well with an honest reading, and some that work well with only moderate amounts of ham. I call to mind when I read at Load of Fun recently, and had no idea what I was going to read. I went with angry, funny stuff, stuff that I think does well with my voice every now and then, because I can show how much of an exaggeration of my emotions these pieces are, and seem less... cruel. yeah, cruel. when I am upset about something, oh, the venom my words become so that I can deal with the actual situation with some grace. it's cathartic to do so, and makes me feel a little more sane because I have tangible evidence of how irrational someone can be when in a fit of rage. also, I like it when people laugh at me, I like the rant, and I like the cleansed feeling after purging myself of it.

as you can tell, I take these things rather seriously. I find that I am concerned with my writing on many levels, and now that I am reading and performing more, how I sound and how I interact with the audience is very important to me. I don't want to feel caught off guard when asked to read, and I'm glad that I am figuring out what does and does not work. I haven't been putting as much effort into the selection of pieces for more mellow gigs, and now I am finding that I need to remedy that. this is good.

the Zine Fest was a good experience for me, though I was tired and maybe a little underwhelmed by my own participation. I sold one of mine, which was my goal, exchanged for another zine, and gave some away, which I always end up doing. I got another chance to have a captive audience, and though I don't think I blew anyone's mind (there was a pretty entertaining zinester who read his stuff as part of a performance art heavy on audience participation... I will update with his name later when I remember it... anyway, he got a very good response.), I did get a couple of compliments from strangers. good enough for me.

p.s. - soon I will be posting some revisions to said zine, because I just don't feel like fixing it right now.

gone fishing

I haven't been writing that much of late, and though I have plenty of old pieces that I could be posting, I feel that I need to be a bit more reserved with what I publish here. not because I don't want to share my work, but because I am becoming more interested in being a little more than self-published. a lot of the literary contests, magazines, anthologies, etc., will not consider previously published work, and a good amount consider posting to one's blog as publishing... I mean, that makes a lot of sense, I think; hell, to make this post, I will have to click my mouse over the graphic of a rectangle with the word "publish" embedded in it.

I do want to keep up with this blog, though. over the past year or so, I have accumulated several different ones, and this one means a bit to me, if only because it sparingly represents my art. I will be updating with a few more visuals if my lousy computer (shhhh, baby, don't listen to what mama is saying, she loves you, don't crap out....) permits me. I will be promoting my performances a bit more here, and critiquing them; I recently did one that I don't believe I ever promoted here, which is a shame because I came off the stage feeling as if I nailed it; a new thing for me to feel whilst performing my own work.

I have published a zine, of which I should be making a second, revised edition and actually peddling. I gave most of the first run away, happily, but I feel that I'd like to at least break even for one pressing. I'm sure a lot of artists can relate to the fact that I really don't want the issue of money to encroach upon my art, but it is a beautiful little dream of mine to think that perhaps one day, I will be free to only be working on it, and still be able to meet my needs. not to say that I don't enjoy the work that I do right now, but I would like to switch things around a little. full-time art, then work on some after-school programs to fulfill my desire to warp children's minds, I mean, give them something to enrich themselves.

I don't know if anyone reading this notices, but I tend to edit my pieces after they've already been posted. that is something that originally had me thinking that I should perhaps at least give myself a waiting period before publishing them here. I'll probably start going through the poems that I have already posted here, and critique them a bit; that's a mode that I'm in right now... edit edit edit. I invite you, dear reader, to help me out. any constructive, relevant criticism, or praise, is welcome. I might not apply it, as is my prerogative, but it helps to have external insight.

also, I will start posting my craft stuff here, since I do consider that art as well. since I will be taking down my craft blogs, I will start moving the posts over here, which should be interesting. I'm going to miss those blogs, if only for their names: "stranded in surreality," and "apocalypse crafting." they both have different meanings for me, and now will be relegated to tags for future posts here. I know that there are those that might disagree about the art/craft connection, but it's not like I ever present myself such that I expect complete agreement anyway. if you don't give a shit about those projects, it'll be easy enough to ignore those postings. yes, I will be doing some tagging of my own here.

well, that is all for now. have a happy day!

taking space

why did you need
to make so tangible
a reminder?
if I was left
with only a memory
to call upon at will
perhaps I wouldn't
feel so vandalized

I could make a statement
by undoing your handiwork
but that would be admitting
that I feel a bit sullied
that I was a bit taken
that you were able to stain me
even if in such a small small way

it wasn't personal
nor is it irreparable
it's just a reminder
of you being here
and a knowledge
that you probably won't be again

you're used to your self-given name
you can take it for granted
but it's new to me
and I still have to get used to it
I'm not taking it so seriously
but I still have to get used to it
and not deny it's meaning to me
but perhaps reinterpret it
in this newer context

it was so casual for you
and yes, for me too
but having you evaporate
as quickly as the ink dried
made the suddenness of your absence
bely what could've been at the least
rather innocuous

was I already a wall closing in on you?
if so, did you need to tag me?
I was here first.
your youth was an asset
when I was grabbing your ass
and you were rising to meet me
but now
it's an insult
a mark on my pride
rather easily covered
but still there
to remind me
how childish
children
with their crayons
can be