bend to my breeze?

trying to be tall
I witness a young tree
choosing to grow high
between bricks
with shallow city roots

not quite you
I envision you
a bit
more grounded now

I've seen you
deciduous
you're in your tender spring again
all potential
green and excited
uncertain how you'll grow
but budding nevertheless

I can't help but
be all
around you
sometimes
I want you,
shade
it's hot
and I want you
to have me,
air

kisses
not too long ago
you were all decay
and frozen
pieces of seasons past
uncertain how you were
ever a growing thing

you were
when I met you
I wanted to sun myself
a bit with you
a playful desire
decadent
a passing fancy of impulse

as I beamed at you
you started to fade
I barely noticed
or minded
you were all warm color
I caught pieces of you
and carried them with me
satisfied because I was free
to roam

I am
always restless
I am
always returning
I am
always

breezy I focused my attention
on you when you were
nothing but bare branches
did my movement
make you cold?

even in winter
you were sometimes kindling
rubbing limbs
startled flame
I was
occasional lips
I was
highlighted observer
I was
fascinated hopeful
I am

a shiver, a way of knowing
we once knew warmth
sometimes we huddled
sometimes I flitted away

your sunshine returned
how delightful
when you share your swelling
you shall be fruitful again
I wonder at your tender shooting
and what is intended for me
so much
precarious
so much
blooming
what is intended for me?
not so much?
precarious blooming
what will you be pruning?
will it be me?

I don't want you as a cut
blossom captured
temporary
property
I wouldn't bear
to watch

you wither knowing
you'd never return to me
I am
always restless
I am
always returning
I am
always

breezy
I am
always
wanting
to watch

you grow

will you ever want
to weather with another
or follow
some one's meandering
breeze?
are you too fragile
for my affection
could you dare bloom
for me?

I pose this not
as an expectation
for anything but
a wish
for you
to be
whatever it is that
you are becoming
for I am
my own
entity

need
my own
freedom
to change
and be
come more
myself

I am
occasional hips
I am
fascinated
observant
I am
hopeful lover
I am
always restless
I am
always returning
I am
always
breezy
I am always
hopeful
lover
I am
always

zealot, or "you made me do it."

I was a Christian soldier
onward with the Bible tracks
thumping thumping thumping
on doors
on holidays stolen from pagans
I became a dissident
once baptized in an over-chlorinated pool
that I was not allowed to swim in without
a color t-shirt
lest I Jezebel an Elder
or uncle
thumping thumping thumping
I was holier than thou
until I was reduced to a hole in the ground
surrounded by safety cones
of disputed chastity
I memorized each line
and got lost between them
fantasizing about Sarah - did she taste like salt?
maybe I could die
thumping thumping thumping

I fled to the enemy
I wept when I lost Jesus
but did not dare compete with Mary
mother, or Magdalene
but I had to go,
or his friends would get me

not waiting

in the time
between the last cigarette
and the motion of a startled cat nestling
I nap because
a nap is not waiting