moebius notes

so I gave an impromptu reading last night at 2640's Mini Zine Fest Oh Eight, and I think that it went rather well, considering a few things that I guess I wouldn't have figured out without giving said reading.

first of all, I should not do my showier pieces when I am not possessed by them. the last time I performed, I was my writing, and I do believe it showed. I have pieces that need a lot of passion in their presentation, and to do anything less, I'm finding, really detracts from them. I don't feel that it's because the words aren't good enough on their own, more because they need to be expressed in a fashion that the audience will pay attention to them enthusiastically enough to understand what I am trying to express.

"moebius, cast, expanded" is admittedly one of my favorite pieces right now, so it's not ludicrous that I immediately decided to do that one when asked to read. however, this is not a piece to be read; it's one that needs to be presented. I did alright, but I just feel like it was butchered when calling to mind the rapturous sermon I made of it at Sensarium. I have done this poem a bit since I've finalized it, and I think it's time to put it away for awhile. also, I need to remember that I have plenty of other writing that is more suitable for readings, or new situations. trying to do a piece that requires a lot of focus and energy when I am not sure about the audience has led to a feeling of slight disappointment, because I know how much more effective it would be in a different situation.

something that had worked for me during Sensarium was having a short opening piece. I said hello to get used to the mic, and did a relatively easy, sensual poem to warm up to the energy level needed for "moebius..." what was pretty cool that night is that I knew I was going to nail it, I was totally absorbed by it.

so what do I do when I'm not? this is not the only work that I have where I need that dedication to pull off what I know I can accomplish performance-wise, and I know that not every gig will be one where I will have that. not that I'm not into those events, it's more that the vibe is different. I have a habit of reading memorized pieces when I'm not sure of myself, so that I have a prop. I trip up because I waffle between recitation and reading, and then I don't look up because there is a part of me that is scared to see how the audience is doing. it's so different when I just go from memory and feed off of what I see on others' faces.

I've decided to try selecting pieces that don't call for that level of showiness. I have some that actually fare well with an honest reading, and some that work well with only moderate amounts of ham. I call to mind when I read at Load of Fun recently, and had no idea what I was going to read. I went with angry, funny stuff, stuff that I think does well with my voice every now and then, because I can show how much of an exaggeration of my emotions these pieces are, and seem less... cruel. yeah, cruel. when I am upset about something, oh, the venom my words become so that I can deal with the actual situation with some grace. it's cathartic to do so, and makes me feel a little more sane because I have tangible evidence of how irrational someone can be when in a fit of rage. also, I like it when people laugh at me, I like the rant, and I like the cleansed feeling after purging myself of it.

as you can tell, I take these things rather seriously. I find that I am concerned with my writing on many levels, and now that I am reading and performing more, how I sound and how I interact with the audience is very important to me. I don't want to feel caught off guard when asked to read, and I'm glad that I am figuring out what does and does not work. I haven't been putting as much effort into the selection of pieces for more mellow gigs, and now I am finding that I need to remedy that. this is good.

the Zine Fest was a good experience for me, though I was tired and maybe a little underwhelmed by my own participation. I sold one of mine, which was my goal, exchanged for another zine, and gave some away, which I always end up doing. I got another chance to have a captive audience, and though I don't think I blew anyone's mind (there was a pretty entertaining zinester who read his stuff as part of a performance art heavy on audience participation... I will update with his name later when I remember it... anyway, he got a very good response.), I did get a couple of compliments from strangers. good enough for me.

p.s. - soon I will be posting some revisions to said zine, because I just don't feel like fixing it right now.