taking space

why did you need
to make so tangible
a reminder?
if I was left
with only a memory
to call upon at will
perhaps I wouldn't
feel so vandalized

I could make a statement
by undoing your handiwork
but that would be admitting
that I feel a bit sullied
that I was a bit taken
that you were able to stain me
even if in such a small small way

it wasn't personal
nor is it irreparable
it's just a reminder
of you being here
and a knowledge
that you probably won't be again

you're used to your self-given name
you can take it for granted
but it's new to me
and I still have to get used to it
I'm not taking it so seriously
but I still have to get used to it
and not deny it's meaning to me
but perhaps reinterpret it
in this newer context

it was so casual for you
and yes, for me too
but having you evaporate
as quickly as the ink dried
made the suddenness of your absence
bely what could've been at the least
rather innocuous

was I already a wall closing in on you?
if so, did you need to tag me?
I was here first.
your youth was an asset
when I was grabbing your ass
and you were rising to meet me
but now
it's an insult
a mark on my pride
rather easily covered
but still there
to remind me
how childish
children
with their crayons
can be