zealot, or "you made me do it."

I was a Christian soldier
onward with the Bible tracks
thumping thumping thumping
on doors
on holidays stolen from pagans
I became a dissident
once baptized in an over-chlorinated pool
that I was not allowed to swim in without
a color t-shirt
lest I Jezebel an Elder
or uncle
thumping thumping thumping
I was holier than thou
until I was reduced to a hole in the ground
surrounded by safety cones
of disputed chastity
I memorized each line
and got lost between them
fantasizing about Sarah - did she taste like salt?
maybe I could die
thumping thumping thumping

I fled to the enemy
I wept when I lost Jesus
but did not dare compete with Mary
mother, or Magdalene
but I had to go,
or his friends would get me